


Comfort

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Rainbow Marbles [106]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Castiel, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Hearing Voices, Insecure Castiel, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:44:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2039475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas is insecure, so Sam and Dean remind him how much he's loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt by leigh: I NEED a chapter that is Cas-centric, I need him to have insecurity from the depths of hell and have Dean comfort him. Like he walk into the room and hears Dean say he loves Sam more or likes Sam more. Then Cas being all insecure and doing everything in his power to be better or to be more like Sam so he can be loved the way Dean loves Sam. And then have Dean and Sam give him praise, and love and just a whole scene where its all about making sure Cas knows why he's important and why he's loved by both of them but especially Dean. And Dean and Cas have a real conversation about how much Dean loves him.
> 
> Possible trigger warning for hearing voices.

 

Cas pauses at the doorway to watch Dean and Sam sharing an Eskimo kiss. Sam laughs and falls into Dean and Dean wraps his arms around Sam. “I love you so much, Sammy,” the demon whispers.

 

Cas feels his heart shatter. _Dean loves Sam more than he loves you,_ a traitorous voice at the back of his mind whispers. _Dean doesn’t love you. Only Sam,_ another voice adds. _Dean will never love you. You’re too broken. Sam is better than you. No one likes broken toys._ He lets the words wash over him as the stands at the entryway, feeling invisible.

 

“Hey, Cas, come here,” Dean’s voice breaks through his reverie.

 

Cas bites his lip when he looks at the way Dean’s arms are outstretched. _He’s just offering to be nice,_ the voice reminds him. _He knows that if he doesn’t, you’ll just fall apart and then you’ll be even more useless._ He sits down at Dean’s feet.

 

Dean chuckles and pets his hair. “Didn’t want a hug, Cas? What about a kiss instead?” He pulls his pet up onto his lap and Cas squeaks.

 

“No kiss,” he mumbles.

 

Dean frowns. “Are you feeling all right, baby? Usually I can’t keep you off of me.”

 

Cas stiffens. “I’m sorry.” _You’re a parasite, Castiel,_ the voice laughs. _A needy, broken parasite._

 

Dean shrugs. “More for Sammy, I guess.” He sets Castiel down.

 

Castiel curls up at Dean’s feet. _Maybe if you were more like Sam, he’d love you more,_ the voice suggests.

 

***

 

Cas decides to make his announcement at the breakfast table the next morning. “I’m gonna be Sam today,” he says proudly.

 

Dean raises one eyebrow. “Any particular reason?”

 

Cas shakes his head. “No reason.”

 

Dean laughs after a moment. “Aw, look at that. I think you’ve got an admirer, Sammy.”

 

***

 

It’s difficult at first, but Cas gradually settles into the role of Sam. He sits stiffly and suggests TV shows that Sam loves, much to the taller man’s delight. He focuses very hard on not laughing or being too childish, and he resists the urge to play with his toys all day. It’s hard, especially when Dean finds his stuffed elephant under a pillow on the couch and offers it to him, but he manages to resist the temptation to be Cas.

 

Dean rewards him with a kiss goodnight and his heart sings with joy.

 

***

 

Dean is smiling and whistling as he pours Lucky Charms for Cas and Raisin Bran for Sam. “Man, I’m glad you’re all back to being Cas,” Dean laughs as he scoops out a serving of Cheerios for himself.

 

“I’m still Sam,” Cas says. “And I don’t like Lucky Charms,” he says as he pushes away the cereal with a grimace. He looks at it longingly for a moment because _there are so many marshmallows,_ but then he reminds himself that if he wants Dean to love him, he needs to be more like Sam.

 

Dean’s face falls. “Still? Come on, Cas! Yesterday was no fun for anyone. Let’s not have a repeat of it, okay?” He pushes the cereal back towards the former angel.

 

“But... But you loved me more yesterday.”

 

Dean frowns. “Cas, I barely touched you yesterday.”

 

“Yeah, but you kissed me good night! And you meant it for the first time in forever!”

 

“Cas, I kiss you goodnight every night. And I mean it every time.”

 

Cas shakes his head. “You love Sammy more. And you loved me more when I was pretending to be him.”

 

“You were miserable yesterday. If you think that made me happy, you’re wrong. And I love you, Cas. I don’t love Sam more, and I certainly didn’t love you more when you were pretending to be him. Now eat your cereal. It has extra charms just the way you like it.”

 

Cas whines. “No! This is the only way you’ll ever love me!”

 

Dean gathers Castiel in his arms despite his pet’s protests. “Sam, give me and Cas a few minutes. Eat if you want to, then you can join us in my bedroom, okay?”

 

Sam nods his assent and Dean carries Cas away.

 

***

 

Dean sets Castiel down and wraps him in the softest, fuzziest blanket he can find. Cas feels a childish urge to giggle as Dean lies down beside him but suppresses it because _Sam doesn’t giggle, and Dean loves Sam._

 

Dean frowns and pulls Castiel closer to himself. “Sweetie, I already have one Sammy. And I love him, but I love my Cas just as much. I want my Cas back.” He nuzzles Castiel’s neck.

 

Cas shakes his head. “Wanna be like Sam, ‘cuz you love Sam.”

 

Dean kisses the top of Castiel’s head. “I do love Sam, but I love you too. Please, Cas, I love you so much. I don’t need another Sam. I need my Cas.”

 

Cas closes his eyes. “But you don’t love Cas.”

 

Dean pets Castiel’s hair. “I loved Cas from the moment I met him. And right now, I miss him. I miss my sweet little Cas and the way he giggles and how happy he is when he plays with his toys and how he kisses me and the way he hates fruit but eats it anyway because he’s so good for me. Tell you what. How about you go back to being Cas for just a little while so I can show you how much I love you, then if you want, you can go back to being Sammy, okay?”

 

Cas considers Dean’s proposition for a moment. “Promise you won’t hurt me?”

 

Dean’s heart breaks. “Promise.”

 

Cas lets himself relax. He breathes a tiny sigh of relief and lets himself enjoy the sensation of the soft sheets against his skin and the way the fuzzy blanket feels like a big hug. He pulls his favorite elephant toy into his arms. “I missed you, Bubbles,” he whispers.

 

“Hey, Cas,” Dean says. “Bubbles missed you, too, you know.”

 

“Did he?”

 

Dean nods against Castiel’s neck. “But not nearly as much as I did. Cas, sweetheart, I don’t want you to try to be anyone else. You are _perfect_ just the way you are. I _love_ you – you, Cas, not you as a copy of someone else. I need you.”

 

“But... You said, ‘Never change,’ and look at me now. I’m not even an angel anymore; I’m just a ‘baby in a trench coat’ without the coat.”

 

“Cas, Cas, Cas...” Dean whispers. “I loved you then and I love you now and I’ll love you for the rest of my life. And you will _always_ be my angel.”

 

Cas swallows hard. “I believe you.”

 

Dean presses a gentle kiss onto the nape of Castiel’s neck. “No, you don’t. Not yet. But you will. I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to love you until you realize how precious you are to me. I’m going to cherish you, Castiel. And...” Dean closes his eyes. “I may mess up sometimes. I may forget. But I will try.” He takes Castiel’s hand in his own. “For you.”

 

***

 

Sam arrives a few minutes later with a bowl of Lucky Charms. “Hey, Cas. I... I picked out the cereal for you and left only the marshmallows. I just wanted you to know that I love you, too.”

 

Cas gives him a weak smile. “Thanks, Sam.”

 

Sam beams. “Want me to feed you?”

 

“W-would you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“We both will,” Dean adds.

 

“Because we love you,” Sam finishes.


End file.
